Current:Home > reviewsHave you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. -Golden Summit Finance
Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single.
View
Date:2025-04-18 04:50:33
Do you find yourself always going on dates, and, no matter who you meet, feeling like there's someone out there who could check off more of the boxes you want in a partner?
If so, you might be "relation-shopping."
"Relation-shoppers" have a long list of rigid standards they want in a partner, but their requirements aren't always necessities. As a result, they have a hard time feeling satisfied with the person they're dating and, similar to "dating maximizers," constantly wonder if there's someone out there who could be better suited for them.
Dating experts say it's a problem exacerbated by dating apps and social media, which give people the illusion of limitless romantic possibilities. Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," has warned against relation-shopping on Instagram, where she defined it as searching for a partner "like we'd shop for new shoes."
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says looking for love with this mentality is sure to spell disaster.
"You're setting yourself up for not feeling fulfilled and satisfied in your dating life," she says. "If you don't know what your end goal looks like, it's hard to know when to stop."
Why do people 'relation-shop'?
Online dating gets a bad rap for numerous reasons, including encouraging relation-shopping. With filters for height, advanced degrees and more, dating apps can put people in a mentality of looking for qualities in a partner like checking off items on a grocery list.
Plus, if you do meet a great person, dating apps with a sea of potential matches will probably make you wonder if you can do better.
"I am genuinely a fan of online dating," Anderson says. "It's a great way to get in front of more people, but dating apps and social media definitely exacerbate this problem."
Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story," says dating apps don't deserve all the relation-shopping blame. After all, this has always been a problem, she says, and the real root of it is people not getting clear with themselves about what qualities actually matter to them in a partner from the get-go.
"It's not simply the availability of all of the options that makes people play the field," she says. "It's more that a lot of people are dating today without any clarity, without any intention."
'The ick' is all over TikTok.It may be ruining your chance at love.
How to go from relation-shopping to a relationship
Think you might be a relation-shopper? Here are some tips to move beyond it:
- Pause on swiping while you explore current matches: "Once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling," Anderson says.
- Outline your deal-breakers: Anderson recommends writing out three lists for yourself: What you must have in a partner, what would be nice to have in a partner and what you want to avoid. "You only want to focus on traits that will matter for you multiple years from now, assuming you're looking for a long-term partner," she says.
- Investigate where your dating lists come from: "It's like having a shopping list: 'He needs to be 6-feet tall or taller and make this much money and have this car, live here and be this educated,' " Hoffman says. "A lot of times that list doesn't actually align with what we want. That list was passed down to us. That list was seen in a romcom or read in a fairytale."
- Work on yourself: If you're not satisfied with your matches, try fixing up your profile or dating skills. "I like to help people improve their dating app profiles, improve their conversation skills, teach them how to flirt and generally make them a more attractive partner," Anderson says.
- Set boundaries around dating apps: "Don't be using it all day, every day," Anderson says. "That might mean 10 or 15 minutes of use a day. And then once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling."
- Accept that no one will check off every box: "There's always going to be something that could be a little bit better about somebody you're dating," Anderson says. "So if you are constantly feeling like you need to find the perfect person, you're setting yourself up for never finding them."
Is 'the spark' a red flag?Sometimes. Experts say look for this in a relationship instead
veryGood! (6284)
Related
- Sonya Massey's father decries possible release of former deputy charged with her death
- Doctor to stars killed outside LA office attacked by men with baseball bats before death
- A Family of Beekeepers Could Lose Their Hives Because of a Massive Pipeline Expansion
- Chemical smoke spewing from a Georgia factory is projected to spread toward Atlanta as winds shift
- Head of the Federal Aviation Administration to resign, allowing Trump to pick his successor
- Opinion: If you think Auburn won't fire Hugh Freeze in Year 2, you haven't been paying attention
- Driver fatigue likely led to Arizona crash that killed 2 bicyclists and injured 14, NTSB says
- Video of Kentucky judge’s death shown at court hearing for the ex-sheriff charged in the case
- A South Texas lawmaker’s 15
- The 'girl dinner,' 'I'm just a girl' memes were fun, but has their moment passed?
Ranking
- Could Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft reunite? Maybe in Pro Football Hall of Fame's 2026 class
- How Climate Change Intensified Helene and the Appalachian Floods
- Frolic Into Fall With Lands' End's Huge Sitewide Sale: $7 Tees, $8 Bras, $10 Pants & More — Up to 87% Off
- Hurricane Helene victims include young siblings killed by falling tree as they slept
- North Carolina trustees approve Bill Belichick’s deal ahead of introductory news conference
- Sabrina Carpenter Shares Her Family's Reaction to Her NSFW Performances
- Takeaways from AP’s report on declining condom use among younger generations
- 'Pure electricity': Royals on verge of MLB playoff series win after Cole Ragans gem
Recommendation
Moving abroad can be expensive: These 5 countries will 'pay' you to move there
Hospitals mostly rebound after Helene knocked out power and flooded areas
Maui Fire to release cause report on deadly US wildfire
What time is the 'Ring of Fire' eclipse? How to watch Wednesday's annular eclipse
Hackers hit Rhode Island benefits system in major cyberattack. Personal data could be released soon
Pennsylvania town grapples with Trump assassination attempt ahead of his return
Online voting in Alaska’s Fat Bear Week contest starts after an attack killed 1 contestant
Spirit Halloween roasts 'SNL' in hilarious response to show's spoof of the chain